In the fall of 2009, I was swimming in bills. Remainders of a fallen financial year. Deposits and checks to keep creditors at bay. I took loans from family so I could sell houses at a loss. To add to the stress private practice medicine was facing new challenges to collect payments. And me, as a single mother, facing lack of interest low grades, truancy, and a gothic boyfriend. So not surprising I had a pivotal thought ”I am either going to fail as a businesswoman or I am going to fail as a mother—I have to pick”.
Have you been there? What life questions are you tackling on the drive home?
Well, I picked the child and the journey to change my life, to recapture me, began.
Things don’t always go as planned. My financial stress, isolation and work fatigue lead to some trauma mind decisions in the start of the legal marijuana industry. My financial problems went from bad to worse as I hired lawyers and completed an ever-changing list of demands from the medical board physician health partners. [more info at Podcast }
At the same time under extreme pressure and trying to create a better life for my daughter and myself- I started to walk. Before it had always been runs with dog to lose some weight. Now it was walks to clear my head. To stop the churning of my thoughts. Like a Japanese bath in the woods (shinrin-yoku). Walking away from the piles of bills and problems that I had limited energy to face. Then I walked to a yoga studio. Started to find the benefit of movement and silence for my mind. I worked with a therapist and was introduced to the concept of shame vs guilt and Brene Bron’s whole hearted lIving.
When I couldn’t tolerate the professional bullying anymore, I gave up my license. It had been two years of the hardest struggle. Not one ounce of compassion or understanding from the physician health group I was left alone to greave a loss so profound and felt misunderstood.
Through coaching I remember the journey I found to re-capture my joy and find my happiness. I understand your frustrations with employment and powers over your work. I understand the enslavement of the EHR. Numbers and production more important than the care. Your accumulated exhaustion as the days roll on. I know you have dreams that have put on hold. Hobbies and activities you once enjoyed no longer possible.
Individual coaching provides one on one sessions and can greatly impact your level of presence and happiness. Group coaching provides benefit of colleague perspective and loss of isolation. Through my podcasts, interviews and writings I share thoughts of how mindfulness can benefit a medical professional. I share thoughts on time management, happiness, manifesting goal and many more subjects. I share links to the works of others and guided meditations from masters as we grow together in our quest for peace.
While burnout will not be solved by mindfulness, yoga or mediation, the system changes needed will be gradual. So finding your purpose and joy now is important. You can find working within a broken system a challenge that strengthens you. It allows for transformation.
I choose not to be employed with the growing departments of corporate wellness. I work for you. No wellness index to monitor your improvement as a nod to corporate compliance. Just real life presence that brings you happiness. By providing mindful care you find joy and purpose in a broken system.